Hope you're okay

I heard that you had a minor operation

I wanted to rush to you and see if you’re okay (I was about to, actually)

I wanted you to rest your head on my lap like you used to

But none of those matter

You don’t want me to care

You want to rest your head on someone else’s lap

And only that matters

Do you know that it kills me to hear things about you?

I force myself to stop caring

I built an invisible wall to shield me from the pain only to be knocked down

Starting over again and again

All this time I’ve been looking for distractions

Looking for understanding from the wrong people

Today I’ve realized that I should offer all my fears to the Lord

Fear of rejection

Fear of being alone

And the fear of failing completely

My life didn’t start when I met you

And it sure won’t end when you left

I beg you my loving heart, please let me restart

Please don’t let him enter my head

God gave me the ability to forgive

To forgive you and myself for my faults and short comings

I believed that being with you was all I ever wanted

I have buried my dreams and aspirations to satisfy yours

You didn’t ask me to, I did it willingly

I have been disillusioned that making you happy was my number one priority

My situation right now won’t define my future

I am strong and I can overcome this obstacle

You were lent to me by God for me to take a leap towards him

To build an intimate and everlasting relationship with him

Everything doesn’t happen because of coincidence, it is planned