Today wasn't a good day. I got into an argument with some stranger boarding the LRT and got really pissed of how chaotic Robinsons Supermarket in Malate is. Worst part is that the whole time even though I was pre-occupied on a lot of stuff, Jai was the only thing in my mind. I would sometimes space out and remember the days that we were happy, when we held hands and the way he would look at me and care for me when I get tired from walking. The way he knows that 'm hungry. It was foolish of me to think that there is still hope for us. I love him so much and the longer that I don't see him the more it hurts. I can't forgive myself for letting him fall out of love. It was a big shock for me to ever think that he was capable of leaving me.
I can't sleep at night because he's all I think about. I blame myself for letting him slip away. I doubt those happy times we've spent together were real. If the fun things that happened to us recently was just a lie?
Each morning I still hope that he would send me a text and say that he realized that he still loves me. I know that I can no longer go back. He doesn't trust me anymore. He didn't give me another chance to change but gave up on me and let me slip away. People say that time will heal everything, how could it heal me if I know for a fact that he will never come back and love me like before. I miss his smell, his hug and everything about him even our petty fights and how he would woo me at times. I know that he won't read this but I want to tell him that I love him so much.
He deserves the best and I wasn't able to give him that. Good night everyone and I hope I can sleep well too.
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