New world, Old feelings

So here I am again going through the motions 

I miss you, its stupid 

I can't afford to feel this way 

I've been trying so hard to make this go away 

So I've started work already and its quite a challenge to accomplish tasks as I don't have a desk or a computer yet. I'm still getting used to the work environment and process. I go home late and feel so tired. Its sad that there's no one waiting for me to give me a hug, eat dinner with me and say that he'll always have my back. Opening yourself to one person is such a huge risk. Rewarding, very. Painful as hell, possibly. You are as cold as ice and hard as a rock. Its like we never met. But don't get me wrong, I don't want to get back together. I've learned to let go and be selfless. I know you won't read this so I won't filter my feelings. Every time I say goodbye I keep looking back to memories I can never come back to. 

Good night my dear friend. 

MUNCHSTER BITES: Taco Vengo

Taco Vengo is a quaint restaurant located along East Capitol Drive behind Longanissa Sopresa fronting D’ Ace Plaza. You won’t even notice that its there, the location is an open secret to those who frequent Kapitolyo. I highly recommend couples who’d like to stay under the radar to dine here as the restaurant exudes an exclusive and hidden appeal. It’s like saying, relax you won’t get seen here.

The price is above average, here’s what we ordered:

Nachos: Can be shared by two people. I loved that there’s an egg. Its my first time to see nachos topped with egg on it. You gotta love the gooey cheese! 

Chicken Tacos: My favorite! A bit expensive for the amount of serving but flavorful and still worth every peso. I think we got this for free.

Pork Cheek (Sisig) Tacos: Not a fan of sisig so I'd probably pass on this one on my next visit. 

Steak Burrito: Can be split into three. This was heavenly! The steak was cooked medium rare, I would normally feel squeamish after seeing raw portions of meat but it’s a good thing that it was wrapped with veggies. 

Chuwaffle: Beautiful concoction! I love how the melted salted caramel blended with the mantecado or was that vanilla ice cream over the hot churro waffle. This can be shared by three persons but if you have a sweet tooth you can easily finish one plate.

Bite Cost: P100 - P300 

Munch worthy: Yes. Great for intimate dinners. 

Walker repeat: Yes. 

Located at 16 United Street,Kapitolyo, Pasig City

Cash transaction only 

Hope you're okay

I heard that you had a minor operation

I wanted to rush to you and see if you’re okay (I was about to, actually)

I wanted you to rest your head on my lap like you used to

But none of those matter

You don’t want me to care

You want to rest your head on someone else’s lap

And only that matters

Do you know that it kills me to hear things about you?

I force myself to stop caring

I built an invisible wall to shield me from the pain only to be knocked down

Starting over again and again

All this time I’ve been looking for distractions

Looking for understanding from the wrong people

Today I’ve realized that I should offer all my fears to the Lord

Fear of rejection

Fear of being alone

And the fear of failing completely

My life didn’t start when I met you

And it sure won’t end when you left

I beg you my loving heart, please let me restart

Please don’t let him enter my head

God gave me the ability to forgive

To forgive you and myself for my faults and short comings

I believed that being with you was all I ever wanted

I have buried my dreams and aspirations to satisfy yours

You didn’t ask me to, I did it willingly

I have been disillusioned that making you happy was my number one priority

My situation right now won’t define my future

I am strong and I can overcome this obstacle

You were lent to me by God for me to take a leap towards him

To build an intimate and everlasting relationship with him

Everything doesn’t happen because of coincidence, it is planned

Friday night with HS loves

After x number of years, finally we meet! I’m happy to see these beautiful ladies.

Soon to be Mrs. Atty. Ann Reas- de Vera, blooming momma grace and our charming balikbayan Aya! We were supposed to watch Magic Mike but due to my unavailability we ended up having coffee which turned out to be the best decision we made that night. It’s great to be with people whom you can share things without the fear of being judged. Ika-nga sa instagram #nofilter.

We are each other’s support group. We all have our own strengths, from good listeners to counselors. Buti nalang waived ang fees ni Atty. Reas hehe

I am so blessed to have known these inspiring women. To more years of friendship and see you soon. Hopefully with Julyan and our lost friend Liz. I love you girls! 

Broken as planned

I am broken and it’s time to pick up the pieces

Last Sunday, I attended The Feast in Valle Verde. No one invited me. I came out of desperation in need of support. As you may all know (readers), I have been living independently and there are times that I feel so alone. The person whom I used to run to has shunned me completely. They say that there are no coincidences and that all the things happening around are perfectly planned by God.  

Behind a smile is a person struggling, full of fear and uncertainty. A person unable to reap the opportunities presented by God, bounded by an invisible rope pulling her farther away from her dream. All of us are broken; there is a reason for that. We are placed in that situation because we need to learn and we have the ability to overcome the challenges and be an instrument of change. Reach out to people thirsty for understanding, poor in spirit, silently crying for help and at the verge of giving up.

We are here for a reason. Let us use our brokenness to inspire people. There is no better time to reach out than now. I am not yet a committed servant. I don’t even read and own a bible; I don’t regularly attend mass and sometimes would skip it because I was lazy. But I am willing to change, step by step in order to achieve spiritual healing and committed to understand his messages and strengthen my faith. 

To Ms. TED

So I saw this little note entitled "TED" posted at the freedom wall at my 2nd favorite cafe (my new favorite is crepeman cafe, sorry Cha Dao)

Near that note was a poem I wrote for my ex almost a year ago. Yes, I was delusional. I secretly wished and prayed that he would someday read it but after months of hoping I guess it was not meant to be. 

Its funny how I stumbled upon this. I guess the one who wrote it wanted to reach out to Ted or to someone who could possibly relate. I'm guessing a woman wrote this.

To Ms. Anonymous, 

Please understand that I have been in your shoes months ago and still recovering. It was just days ago that I saw the ONE who replaced me. It crushed me immensely. I thought I was okay but seeing reality in front of you is a bitch and I kept thinking she is too. All the pain came rushing in, like waking up from a state of coma and find yourself plead for pills, alcohol, anesthesia or anything that could make you numb. Don't get me wrong, I didn't turn to these vices but instead curled up in bed depressed and embraced sleepless nights. Falling asleep, dreaming and waking up with him and his girl on my mind is torture. A vicious cycle. It would be a great relief if humans had a delete and reboot function but unfortunately we cannot cheat our way into healing.

Ms. Anonymous, welcome pain but don't let it linger forever. Admit that you loved this person and put in your best effort to forgive and be happy, not only for him, but for yourself. You are the number one priority. Don't rush into a relationship if you're not yet ready. The best revenge and triumph is to be the best version of yourself. A version he failed to see and appreciate when you were still together. An improved you who is still capable of loving passionately. When will you know that you're ready? I'm having a hard time answering that question because I'm still working on it.  Maybe you'll read this blog someday and maybe we can go out for coffee.Hang in there!  :)

Sincerely,

happy (currently healing) Z

MUNCHSTER BITES: Crepeman Kapitolyo

NOSTALGIA AT CREPEMAN KAPITOLYO

I intended to go to a learning function but was unfortunately too late to make it. Instead of heading to Cha Dao I ended up at Crepeman Café. Luckily they have an ongoing promo, half off coffee based drinks when you purchase any crepe until July 31, 2015. I’ve known Crepeman since college; the owner was the one serving in the cafeteria. It’s great that they were able to expand and put up stores.

I made a big mistake of not eating my choco crepe immediately as the crepe got hard and brittle. The caramel macchiato is heaven! Regular price is P105 and I only paid P52.50 because of the promo.  

Bite Cost: From P50 – P200

Munch worthy: Yes. I will try savory crepes on my next visit. Eat it while it’s hot.

Walker repeat: Yes. A quiet place with good wifi. 

Visit their facebook page: Crepeman Kapitolyo