Broken as planned

I am broken and it’s time to pick up the pieces

Last Sunday, I attended The Feast in Valle Verde. No one invited me. I came out of desperation in need of support. As you may all know (readers), I have been living independently and there are times that I feel so alone. The person whom I used to run to has shunned me completely. They say that there are no coincidences and that all the things happening around are perfectly planned by God.  

Behind a smile is a person struggling, full of fear and uncertainty. A person unable to reap the opportunities presented by God, bounded by an invisible rope pulling her farther away from her dream. All of us are broken; there is a reason for that. We are placed in that situation because we need to learn and we have the ability to overcome the challenges and be an instrument of change. Reach out to people thirsty for understanding, poor in spirit, silently crying for help and at the verge of giving up.

We are here for a reason. Let us use our brokenness to inspire people. There is no better time to reach out than now. I am not yet a committed servant. I don’t even read and own a bible; I don’t regularly attend mass and sometimes would skip it because I was lazy. But I am willing to change, step by step in order to achieve spiritual healing and committed to understand his messages and strengthen my faith. 

To Ms. TED

So I saw this little note entitled "TED" posted at the freedom wall at my 2nd favorite cafe (my new favorite is crepeman cafe, sorry Cha Dao)

Near that note was a poem I wrote for my ex almost a year ago. Yes, I was delusional. I secretly wished and prayed that he would someday read it but after months of hoping I guess it was not meant to be. 

Its funny how I stumbled upon this. I guess the one who wrote it wanted to reach out to Ted or to someone who could possibly relate. I'm guessing a woman wrote this.

To Ms. Anonymous, 

Please understand that I have been in your shoes months ago and still recovering. It was just days ago that I saw the ONE who replaced me. It crushed me immensely. I thought I was okay but seeing reality in front of you is a bitch and I kept thinking she is too. All the pain came rushing in, like waking up from a state of coma and find yourself plead for pills, alcohol, anesthesia or anything that could make you numb. Don't get me wrong, I didn't turn to these vices but instead curled up in bed depressed and embraced sleepless nights. Falling asleep, dreaming and waking up with him and his girl on my mind is torture. A vicious cycle. It would be a great relief if humans had a delete and reboot function but unfortunately we cannot cheat our way into healing.

Ms. Anonymous, welcome pain but don't let it linger forever. Admit that you loved this person and put in your best effort to forgive and be happy, not only for him, but for yourself. You are the number one priority. Don't rush into a relationship if you're not yet ready. The best revenge and triumph is to be the best version of yourself. A version he failed to see and appreciate when you were still together. An improved you who is still capable of loving passionately. When will you know that you're ready? I'm having a hard time answering that question because I'm still working on it.  Maybe you'll read this blog someday and maybe we can go out for coffee.Hang in there!  :)

Sincerely,

happy (currently healing) Z