happyZ turns 27

GOALS I WANT TO ACHIEVE AS A 25 YEAR OLD

1. Start Investing on stocks/funds that will give me a good ROI.

2. Start looking into small homes/townhouses that I could start amortizing.

3. Be a regular employee of Megaworld, do my best as a leasing assistant.

4. Travel to hongkong with AXE Gang, I love being with them. Must have 30k budget.

5. Re-invent myself: Look and feel good. Change is better.

6. Go on an adventure trip to Hongkong with my sister Sha.

7. Be fit and have a lean body.

8. Join an organization- I want to save the environment.

9. Recycle. Turn junk into jewels.

While organizing my files, I stumbled upon this. Written are my goals when I was 25 years old. Sadly, most of the things I wrote remain unachieved and some I can no longer pursue. I just turned 27 this month and this scared me. It’s been two years already and it seems that I didn’t grew that much.

Most of the people I know have better careers and better compensation while I’m still figuring out what I really and barely getting by.  Some have their own place while I’m stuck renting because I can’t afford to amortize my own unit yet. Some are married and together with the love of their soulmate while I’m single and alone – cue in #mayforever, meron din #foreveralone haha

Bitter? Yes. I should’ve done more and gained but instead I wasn’t able to save something precious to me and in return lost it.

I don’t want to make the same mistake again. I must be the best version of myself, move on and bury regrets. So let me tweak my list a bit:

1. Start Investing on stocks/funds that will give me a good ROI.

- Monitor my small investments and look into mutual funds.

2. Start looking into small homes/townhouses that I could start amortizing.

- Research and identify a property and assess and plan payment terms

3. Be a regular employee of Megaworld, do my best as a leasing assistant.

- Done. Look for a job that has better compensation and is close to what I enjoy doing.

4. Travel to hongkong with AXE Gang, I love being with them. Must have 30k budget.

- Travel to Hongkong next year  with friends.

5. Re-invent myself: Look and feel good. Change is better.

- Continue to re-invent myself.

6. Go on an adventure trip to Hongkong with my sister Sha.

- Same. Need to fix passport first. Goal for next year!

7. Be fit and have a lean body.

- Same. Haha

8. Join an organization- I want to save the environment.

- Pursue this!

9. Recycle. Turn junk into jewels.

- Do this!

I will RUN forward and never look back on past regrets, failures and heartaches.

Just a feeling

I miss you. I think about you everyday. I hate this feeling, knowing that you will never look at me the same way again. You're so near and yet I cannot touch you. How can you let go of our memories. Didn't I deserve to be with you? You were my family and I had so many dreams for the both of us. When I look at the stars at night I can't help but wonder if you're looking at the same stars too or if I ever cross your mind. Are you more happy without me? Have you moved on really?

I am a girl who can’t move on

I relieve my pain by singing sad songs

I remember the days that were true

Been wondering why you became so blue

I’ve been so sad since you went away

Been chasing thoughts of you day by day

Tossing and turning lying on my bed

Wishing you were here beside me than with another instead

I fake a smile just to get by

At the end of the day I go home and cry

I know this feeling shall pass

Just like our love that I thought would last

I’ll be okay as long as I pray

I know acceptance will come someday

I trust in the plans of God above

That someone is destined for me to love

Treasured memory

Hi Guys! Got some time off from writing again. I'm still recovering from a very painful heartbreak. I thought of erasing this blog because this was my online diary /scrapbook of our time together and seeing past posts and his face is torture but even though things ended between me and Bee I still treasure all of the memories we've shared and I really loved him with all my heart. I was not a perfect girlfriend and I admit that I hurt him with unloving words and actions but nevertheless I still love him and it hurts that he doesn't feel the same anymore. That loving me was more of an obligation. I may erase all of our pictures and every bit of memory I have but I can't deny the fact that he was once part of my life. With this, I won't be deleting this blog and of course my posts have lots of info about restaurants and stuff. Not because I refuse to move on but accepting the fact that he was a huge influence in my life. I'm still recovering and I may be at my darkest hour but I'm sure that someday I'll love again and that all bitterness will be gone permanently. At God's perfect time I'll be able to love again. Love doesn't just mean being in a relationship, it may be loving of oneself and being ready to share that love with others. 

Moving On Series: ANGER MANAGEMENT

Today wasn't a good day. I got into an argument with some stranger boarding the LRT and got really pissed of how chaotic Robinsons Supermarket in Malate is. Worst part is that the whole time even though I was pre-occupied on a lot of stuff, Jai was the only thing in my mind. I would sometimes space out and remember the days that we were happy, when we held hands and the way he would look at me and care for me when I get tired from walking. The way he knows that 'm hungry. It was foolish of me to think that there is still hope for us. I love him so much and the longer that I don't see him the more it hurts. I can't forgive myself for letting him fall out of love. It was a big shock for me to ever think that he was capable of leaving me. 

I can't sleep at night because he's all I think about. I blame myself for letting him slip away. I doubt those happy times we've spent together were real. If the fun things that happened to us recently was just a lie? 

Each morning I still hope that he would send me a text and say that he realized that he still loves me. I know that I can no longer go back. He doesn't trust me anymore. He didn't give me another chance to change but gave up on me and let me slip away. People say that time will heal everything, how could it heal me if I know for a fact that he will never come back and love me like before. I miss his smell, his hug and everything about him even our petty fights and how he would woo me at times. I know that he won't read this but I want to tell him that I love him so much. 

He deserves the best and I wasn't able to give him that. Good night everyone and I hope I can sleep well too. 

Moving On Series: MEG

Count your blessings! I am so blessed for having a friend like Meg. She and I met because of my ex. Its because of her messages and words of advice that I get through each day and whenever I feel like doing something stupid her texts always save me. She told me not to expect and bother myself thinking about my ex and that my focus should be on myself. :)

Moving On Series: RAIN

Hello Guys! 

I didn't realize that its almost been a year since my last post. I was that lazy or just busy. Now I have the time in the world. As you guys may have noticed, most of my blogs if not, all included Jai (Bee) my boyfriend, well used to be my boyfriend. I'm now helping myself move on. Don't worry I won't go mad and delete my former posts as it is useful in helping you scout for cheap eats around the metro. I'm currently hanging out at my now favorite milk tea place eventhough internet is quite slow. I want to start a new blog series about finding something new or something that will make me happy as I'm in the process of healing and trying to focus on myself. I won't lie, I am depressed and sometimes think about jumping off a building. I lost my first love and my best friend. I even saw him this morning because we live in the same barangay. Hurts big time! So my first entry that made me happy today was the rain.

Earlier this evening I was on my way to the milk place shop when suddenly the rain poured and unfortunately for some reason I didn't bring an umbrella. I texted my ex and asked him if I could stay at their place for a bit or borrow an umbrella as I was near their house when it rained. I didn't get a reply, I waited for sometime but still no reply. I asked God to give me a sign, if my ex texts me back before a specific time it means that there is still hope for us. He did text me but after 30 min or about an hour I guess. I took this as a sign that I should stop hoping and wishing that he's feelings would come back. I don't know for sure in the future but for now it became clear to me that moving on is the only option I have. I am not closing my doors but I am not gonna waste my time waiting for him to come back. If he will, he will, if not then I guess God has a better plan for the both of us. So that caps off my first moving on series entry.

Random thought: I think I should get an internet plan cause its kinda expensive and fattening to hang out at cafe's. Bye for now, hope I can sleep well tonight. :) 

It takes grown-ups to make relationships work. - One More Chance the movie

Zstressed!

Its been months since my last post. So what's keeping me busy? New career, new company and new piles of paperwork! Its not that I'm complaining but I've been making tons of errors and its making me doubt myself if I can keep up and pass their standards. I'm really blessed that to have been given the opportunity to work for a big company, No.1 in condominium and pioneer township developer what more can you ask for? I have to overcome my fear and pass my 6 months of apprenticeship. As bane would say, let the games begin!  

So what does stressed employees do to cope? Hmm... EAT! You don't have to be a masters degree holder to figure that out ;) 

So I called my best foodie buddy, Bee on a multiple foodgasm session! We went on a pocket friendly weekend snack adventure. DOUBLE TREATS FOR HALF THE PRICE!

WENDY'S SHAKE BUY 1 GET 1 for Php 66.00 (SM Megamall Branch)

We liked the strawberry shake better, the chocolate shake was hard to finish. Tip: Not a fan of strawberry or chocolate? You may request for a plain vanilla shake at no extra cost. 

COUNTRY STYLE DONUTS BUY 3 GET 3 
Closing promo sale! Available 1 hour or 2 hours before closing time. I paid around P75.00 for 6 donuts- combination of regular and premium donuts. Not bad right? :) 

HAINANESE DELIGHTS RICE ALL YOU CAN MEAL 

Our excitement level went from 100% to 1%. They served us porridge like rice which wasn't appealing at all. This is readlly disappointing, it was far from our first time dinning here.  
CHA DAO'S ANNIVERSARY TREAT, BUY 1 TAKE 1 ON DRINKS (except froth blends & salted caramel) 

Blueberry Milk Tea + Free Assam Creme. 

I'm relieved that I'm able to post again. Writing is what I want to do, to promote and just share my stories. I know that I need to improve on my writing skills, proper grammar and all. My goal this year is to study and hopefully have the resources to attend classes. I want to improve and take the next step and make a career out of blogging.